modeLife.com

shit. sometimes i think my life is tough, it ain’t even close. the only thing tough about my life are my useless dreams being out of reach. that’s pretty much it. i haven’t travelled to any slums around the world and seen other people sufferring and starving. i’ve experienced some personal adversity, but nothing like on CNN. my parents are split and a few older relatives have passed away, but i haven’t lost anyone close to AIDS or to bullets or to starvation. I haven’t seen or been through any of that shit, cause i’ve just been focusing on my own world, my own life, my own friends and my future. i help when i can, i feel empathy when it’s appropriate and i try to stay outta trouble when i spot it. I do what I can to be good and I do know right from wrong… I don’t think that’s any different that 99.9% of the other people in the world. the only difference is, some of us are lucky and some of us aren’t. most of us don’t even deserve what luck we have and we take advantage of it, while a lot of us were born fucked and could really use any kind of luck. but it doesn’t happen, cause life is unfair and life really is a bitch… and to tell you the truth, i don’t think about it. just like most of the people i know. i put myself first and keep the bad shit outta sight. Why? I dunno. Maybe I’m selfish, maybe i’m jaded, maybe i just scared to face real life, whatever the case, I don’t think about it. Not until something happens and reminds me how petty my life really is compared to some… my boy. one of my best friends. my ace. he bailed me out of a truly fucked up situation a week or so ago. we had a heart to heart, first time in years, but it really effected me. He was hurtin’ bad, from his lifestyle and from the people he kept losing around him. I hadn’t seen that kinda pain from him before and so i promised myself I’d do all i can to help him out before shit gotta outta hand, for both of us. I made it clear, i was there for him and we were gonna change up some shit in our lives. together… “how am I gonna help my boy?” that was the only thing on my mind for the past week or so… i get a call today, my boy is locked up. again. i know what he did was bad and worthy of getting busted, but I also know his past, seen his loss and his pain. He had already accepted the fact that his life was fucked, no matter how much he was clockin’, he was trapped. Sounds like a cop out, but fuck, when you see life fuck your boy every step of the way, it’s hard to condemn my boy… How can I? I’ve known him since the tenth grade. played on the same D line with him on our Football team. Did some dirt with him here and there. Helped each other out when shit got rough. And never doubted that he had my back. What the fuck am I supposed to do or feel about this?…. Real life just slapped me in the face and the shit hurts. It really does. Cause this is my lil’ world and my boy is fucked. Then I start thinking about real life outside my lil’ world and God damnit, I’ve never felt so petty and small in my 33 years of breathing. nice cars? best clubs? nice clothes? being popular? my rep? making movies? girl problems?… fuckin’ baby shit! straight up! spoiled little kid shit! Means nothing, and it none of it makes you a better person! In fact, it’s probably the leading cause of being a real asshole… I officially just lost respect for myself, or anyone else around me who thinks they are dealing with some important shit. Newsflash! God, Bhudda, Oprah, don’t give a fuck about who you know or what you have……………………………………………………………. Just ask yourself this question and if you aren’t a shallow fuck head like most of us, maybe you might come to a epiphany…………………… “When you die,( and you will die ), and your standing at the gates of heaven or wherever you think you’re gonna end up, and your God asks you what you’ve done with the life you’ve been given……… What are you gonna say? I got a cracked Iphone and I fucked pretty girls?”